#I was s o proud when a parent told their kid to go watch tv with the boy and pointed at me

[thedustyleaves]

Changed my pronouns in my description. I kept she/her there mostly out of fear, but I'm pretty sure that no one I know from work or uni knows about my tumblr, so now I'm 100% going the they/them way <3

If someone ends up saying she/her anyway, it's fine, I won't get angry, I'm just far more comfortable with they/them (he/him is also very cool, but I'm not there yet in terms of "making it official" if that makes sense - that line is a bit too scary to cross for now :') )

[masterjedilenawrites]

My guy, can I just say that I LOVE your writing? Its absolutely amazing and wholesome! speaking of wholesome, could I maybe request the clones with an s/o who wants a child? Or maybe the clones as fathers?

Wow thank you, I'm flailing on the floor from these compliments! Glad to provide some wholesome content for the fandom in these trying times... #bringcrosshairhome

I just did a Clones with pregnant S/O request, so here's Clones as fathers...

Cody is a dutiful father. He takes the job seriously right from the start, seamlessly readjusting his life to include his child as if they'd always been there. He'll take any opportunity to teach his child all the important things, from hands-on tasks like fixing a speeder or shooting a blaster, to more abstract concepts like being polite to strangers and apologizing when in the wrong. When he has to choose work over home, he makes up for it with extra attention when he returns.

Rex is a super-dad. His kids look up to him their entire lives, believing he really is a superhero. Think Jack Pearson from This is Us. He'll dress up for tea parties, and listen to the same stories over and over, and chauffeur them and their friends around town, and help with homework, and lend them money for when they go on their first date.... He's tired all the time, but he never lets it show. He and his S/O are partners in this endeavor; their teamwork is admirable and enviable.

Wolffe is a private dad. He keeps his family life separate, that way he can be the tough leader he needs to be in battle, and then let all of that go when he returns home. He's a secret softie and only his S/O and child ever see that side of him. They have him wrapped around their finger; he knows this, and loves it. There isn't a single thing he wouldn't do for either of them. They are his world. He gets sentimental about a lot of things and doesn't like how fast his baby grows up.

Fox is a doting father. He'd spoil the shit out of his kids. Sneaking candy when their mom says no, buying the toy they secretly eyed in the store, letting them stay up late and watch him clean his armor. He gets in trouble with his S/O a lot, but he can't help it. He wants to give his kids the entire galaxy. He can discipline them when necessary, and because he only does so sparingly, his kids take it seriously and never act that way again. He thinks they are just perfect.

Fives is a proud dad. Everything his children do is amazing. He keeps every last drawing or craft they make for him. He recounts every milestone of their lives to his brothers. He cries over them a lot. He is just in awe of how they grow up, all their strength and potential and innocence, he just eats it up. He definitely wears T-Shirts that have puns of the word dad in it, so anyone who sees him knows who he is. It's the most important part of his life, far more than being a soldier.

Echo is a nurturing father. He is very concerned with the health and happiness of his child. He's more nervous when they're young, wondering if they're behind in their development or whether their runny nose is a sign of something more serious. He's more comfortable when they get older, letting them do more on their own. He's big on communication and uses little codewords. Like, Cover-fire means he needs them to just do as they're told. DMZ means they're free to speak their mind, no judgement. Retreat means they need to rethink their bad attitude and apologize.

Jesse is a hip dad. He doesn't try to be, he just is. He never really let go of that part of himself after becoming a father, listening to certain kinds of music or having a fun night out. He doesn't set a lot of rules; in fact, he openly allows certain things that other parents might balk at. He figures it's better for them to experience these things in the safety of their home, rather than doing it behind his back and getting hurt. His kids like their cool dad, they're never embarrassed.

Kix is an affectionate father. His favorite thing in the whole galaxy is coming home to his children tackling him with hugs and kisses. He might coddle in the early years, letting them sleep in his bed or carrying them around everywhere. But as they grow, he's more encouraging of their independence, so long as they still let him hug them whenever he wants. He's also obsessed with health; totally the dad who never lets them eat any sugar or watch TV if the sun's still shining.

Tup is a timid dad. He second-guesses himself a lot, wondering if he made the right decisions or said the right things to his child. He does his best to learn and catch on to the best way to go about things, but it seems as soon as he's finally comfortable, his child has grown up or moved on to the next phase and he has to start over. He is best during the quiet moments of his child's life: reading stories before bed, giggling during bathtime, comforting a broken heart...

Dogma is a responsible father. He prioritizes rules over all else, but puts a lot of thought and care into crafting them. And he's created a lot of rules for himself, too. Things like always wishing them good-night, even when he's away on missions. Or never expressing his frustration in front of them. He creates plenty of opportunities for them to earn privileges or other rewards. He disciplines firmly but fairly. He splits the child-rearing duties with his S/O evenly, as well.

Hardcase is a dorky dad. He's not as hardcore at home as he is on the battlefield, but he still has a lot of energy and releases it through corny jokes, silly antics, and other displays of tomfoolery. Think Phil Dunphy from Modern Family. He wants to be his children's best friend. He tries to keep up with all the trends and slang, which just makes his kids cringe in embarrassment. He's not the best with discipline, but he does get more serious if one of them is hurt or struggling.

Hunter is an interactive father. He will never be considered distant, oh no. He engages with his kid on every level, being a constant and dependable presence in their life. He talks to them as a baby even when they don't understand. He lets them tag along as a toddler, indulging in their curiosity. He checks in with them when they're older, having honest conversations about whatever is on their mind.

Wrecker is a playful dad. Life is an adventure and he's excited to take his children along on the ride. He'd have a lot of kids, filling his home with sounds of laughter and fighting and joy and tears. He'd encourage them to develop a hobby and would attend every competition, performance, etc. without fail. Even with so many to keep track of, he manages to make each one feel special, they all have an important place in the family and never get left out, not on his watch.

Crosshair is a protective father. He knows he's not the best with emotions, so he makes up for it by always having his child's back. Looking out for them. Keeping them safe. He'd teach them how to fight from an early age, going to shooting ranges or on hunts. It'll be their "thing," a way for them to quietly connect through the years. And heaven help the poor soul who ever hurts his little one. He will not hold back in defending their honor and squeezing out an apology.

Tech is a chill dad. He isn't bothered by much, so he keeps his cool through even the roughest stages of his child's development. This ends up creating a sense of stability for his family, they can always count on Dad to keep things steady and real. He won't pry into his child's life; if they want help, they'll need to come to him. But once they do, he is passionate about teaching them everything he knows. He will support them in all of their studies, hobbies, and interests.

[ackermansupremacy]

More marley kids headcanons because i’m still distraught

The sheer amount of content that i could write for them is a s t r o n o m i c a l

Gabi

•An animal lover!

•Has a really big intimidating dog like a rottweiler or mastiff that her friends are lowkey scared of

•But it has some headass name like ‘Fluffy’ or ‘Princess’

•Or something oddly human like Joe or Robert LMAO

•She drinks a lot of energy drinks so shes up until like 3am blasting music

•I saw another post saying that they could see her being a kpop stan and i SEE IT

•She would be a boygroup stan and would stan NCT

•She would really like Gorillaz too Rhinestone eyes would be her JAM

•When shes not playing roblox shes plays things like overwatch and league of legends until the sun rises

•Yet somehow shes still full of energy the next morning??

•Her deepest secret is that she has a wattpad account and randomly publishes stories and never updates them

•She also reads like,,,1D fanfic and would never admit it

•Her walls are covered in doodles in the spaces between her miscellaneous band posters

•Shes the kind of angsty kid that acts like she doesn’t like you

•But honestly? You’re her role model

•She really admires you :)

•Especially if you’re a single parent

•Whenever someone asks she always says

•“I wanna be just like my mom/dad when i get older” :)

•She’ll never admit it to you, but she just wants you to be proud of her

Zofia

•She strikes me as the daintier type but like at the same time not really??

•Shes definitely no stranger to fun

•She loves amusement parks and its one of her favorite places to go

•Surprise her with tickets to disneyland and she’ll cry

•She enjoys fashion but dislikes makeup so shes never really bothered trying to get good at it

•I think she has like, two different types of music she listens to

•She likes classical music when shes trying to focus on things like her hobbies or homework but indie music is her go to

•Mozart, Bach, Beach Bunny and Melanie Martinez being some of her favorites

•I think shes artistic too

•Her room always smells slightly of acrylic paint

•Her room is always really clean

•Other than that one single moldy coffee cup... iykyk

•it has a black and white minimalistic aesthetic

•But her walls have her favorite pieces that shes hand painted framed

•Along with a Van Gogh tapestry next to her bed

•A simple girl, she has a pink betta fish

•It probably has some fancy long name

•Like Elizabeth or Charlotte

•The tanks is perfectly matched to the aesthetic of her room

•She would take such good care of it it would live way past the life expectancy

•She probably takes some sort of martial arts class as well

•Like judo or karate and shes REALLY good at it

•Trophies and medals are all over your house because shes so proud of them

•She just keeps making you proud huh

Falco

•Oh this sweet child

•Hes so gullible

•Hes really smart but he just...believes everything Colt tells him

•And he always finds out its not true the hard way

•It would be dumb stuff that would send him into a crisis too

•Like Colt once told him that if he wasn’t asleep by midnight he would die or something and he actually believed it

•So when he couldn’t sleep he started saying his goodbyes to everyone LMAO

•After a teary eyed conversation you had to convince him it wasn’t true and made Colt apologize

•That gave him trust issues

•As i said in a previous headcanon, I think he would play a lot of instruments

•Piano, guitar and the cello are among his favorites

•He has the most diverse music taste out of all of them

•Its mostly mainstream music though

•He would just hear a song on the radio or on tik tok and would add it to his playlist if he liked it

•Resulting in the most random music

•From bands like coldplay, to doja cat, to cardi b to occasional kpop...

•His dirty secret is that he really likes boybands

•He loves backstreet boys, one direction and 5sos

•Gabi found out and made fun of him for it so he never told anyone after that

•His room is pretty bare and empty other than mass amounts of instruments

•Most of them he never even plays anymore

•He def has empty water bottles everywhere

•But the little bit that he does have in his room is organized chaos

•“Do you have a paperclip?” “to the left of my keyboard pedal on the floor” “Bro...” 

Udo

•B-Babie...

•One of his favorite things is watching a good mystery show or movie, especially the classics like Agatha Christie’s mysteries

•He loves writing them too!

•He takes it very seriously and probably has a mystery novel in the works that he plans to publish when he gets older

•Hes really passionate about it if you ask him about it he could talk about it for hours!

•He has a chameleon or a snake or some other reptile

•Gives it a cute name like Henry or a fandom name like Dobby

•Or something unique nature related like petrichor

•Its his lil buddy it always rides around on his shoulder :)

•His music taste is also diverse

•Zofia introduced him to indie music and he loves it

•He loves bands like The 1975, The Neighbourhood and Jack Stauber

•But his all time favorite band is The Beatles

•His favorite song is Beautiful Boy by John Lennon because it reminds him of when you used to sing to him when he was a little kid :)

•He collects The Beatles posters and vinyls and displays them on the walls in his room

•His room is pretty cluttered with things like clothes, books and school supplies strewn about but his desk is always spotless and organized

•Notebooks with story ideas, his laptop and a gaming controller being the only things on it

•His deepest secret is that he struggles with anxiety which makes him pretty clingy to you :(

•And he doesn’t want to keep sleeping in your bed like he did when he was little so he has a playlist of all the lullabies you sang to him when he was younger

•And he can’t sleep without it :(

•Hes not the most athletic, but I could see him joining the soccer team Falco and Gabi are on just for fun and tries to convince Zofia to join too

•Kinda sad but i think he cries himself to sleep a lot and doesn’t really know why

•Sometimes when he feels really really sad he comes into your room and you watch tv together until he falls asleep

•And hes v tiny so hes easy to carry into his room

•Hes my precious boy I love him so much :,(((((((((((

******

I have two more things I wanna publish for these absolute jelly beans before i take a break from writing for them unless y’all wanna request more hahahahaplzrequestthingshahaha

[simplybakugou]

Firstly welcome BACK! You’ve been missed. Secondly I’ve been craving some fluffy domestic bakugou and I would love to make a scenario request BUT I CANT COME UP WITH ANYTHING. Really anything involving him showing love to his female s/o and his kid(s) will do lol if this is super vague don’t worry about it then! Glad to see you back again.

A/N: Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy :)

Pairing: dad!bakugou x female!reader

Warnings: swearing

Word Count: 1082

✐posted 03.02.2020✐

Parenthood. Some are ready, preparing for the day they become a parent and yearning to become a parent for as long as they could remember. Others, however, may accidentally become parents and sometimes have to force themselves to deal with it.

For you and Bakugou, becoming parents was the last thing the two of you wanted to become.

It’s not that you didn’t want to have kids, it just wasn’t expected, especially since the two of you are still yet to get married and the idea of having a child out of wedlock didn’t sit well with the Japanese public.

However, despite how worried you were about what people would say about two of the biggest pro heroes raising a child without being married, Bakugou couldn’t care less about what other people had to say.

“Open your mouth, Kirua,” Bakugou said, holding a spoonful of what he perceived as puréed baby mush. His son kept his lips closed, staring blankly at Bakugou. Bakugou sighed, knowing full well the only way for his son to understand him. “Say ‘ah.’”

Kirua’s little voice murmured the word “ah” as he opened his mouth and ate his puréed food.

“You know, your mom really needs to hurry up with those groceries ‘cause right now, this shit that you’re eating is looking pretty good,” Bakugou grumbled annoyingly, getting another spoonful ready.

Kirua started giggling as Bakugou fed him. Bakugou narrowed his brows at his son. “You think this is funny?”

Kirua continued to look up at his father with a large grin, his two little barely there teeth poking through. “Is this all you do? Smile at me like the cutest fucking thing on this planet?”

Kirua started opening and closing his mouth, babbling random sounds as Bakugou cleaned up the leftover food on his face. A wave of relief hit him as he heard you park your car in the driveway.

He turned to Kirua. “Stay there.” Kirua looked at him blankly, as if trying to convey to him that he was a twelve month old baby that had no control over his legs at the moment, especially due to the high chair he was trapped in.

Bakugou went outside waiting in front of your car, crossing his arms over his chest. You were too busy trying to get the bags out of the car to even notice him, nearly dropping everything once finally noticing him.

“You scared me, Katsuki,” you stated, having to stand sideways just to see your husband.

Bakugou continued to have his notorious frown on his face as he took the majority of the bags from your arms with ease. “You took two and a half fucking hours just to buy groceries?”

“I didn’t mean to, I swear! I was about to check out but then a bunch of these guys recognized me and wanted my autograph and pictures and a huge crowd formed so I could barely get out of the store!” You exclaimed.

Bakugou scoffed. “A bunch of guys were bothering you and you didn’t even call me?”

You chuckled, shaking your head. “A bunch of teenage boys were showing their appreciation to their hero.” You went towards him and kissed his cheek. “At least you got some quality time with Kirua since you’re always so busy with work.”

“Whatever.”

You looped your free arm around his bicep while the two of you walked back inside and set the groceries in the kitchen. “Am I cooking dinner today?”

“Absolutely not,” Bakugou stated adamantly as you went over to Kirua and scooped him up in your arms.

You looked at your husband with offense. “Excuse me, just because I’m not Gordon Ramsay 2.0 like you, doesn’t mean I’m awful.”

“Babe, there are many things that I love about you, but your cooking is not one of them.” Bakugou began sorting through the things you bought.

You looked down at your son, pouting slightly. “It’s okay, Kirua, Daddy’s just being mean because he doesn’t know what to do with himself when he’s finally given a day off and not be a party pooper for once.”

Bakugou side-eyed you and you stuck your tongue out at him, going over to the living room and watching TV. Kirua laid against your chest as he began mumbling gibberish as if he was talking back to the TV.

You sat him on your lap so that he was facing you. “Kirua, I need you to say ‘mama’ as your first word, okay? I know it’s scientifically proven that babies find it easier to say ‘dada’ than ‘mama,’ but you’re going to make an exception, okay? After all, you are the son of the valedictorian of U.A. and one of the top heroes in the world.” You felt so proud and smug of yourself as Kirua looked back at you blankly.

He started speaking gibberish again and you shook your head, enunciating as clearly as you could. “Ma-ma.”

The gibberish continued as Bakugou walked into the room, seating himself next to you.

“What happened to dinner, Gordon Ramsay?”

Bakugou gave you look. “Shut up, I’m way too fucking tired after looking after that little shit all day.”

You narrowed your brows at him. “Hey, I told you to stop cursing around him. His first word will be a swear word before it’s an actual coherent word.”

“Whatever.”

Bakugou puts his arm around you as he scooted closer to you. You looked up at him. “You know, I can just cook today. I know you’re tired after taking care of Kirua.”

“No, you’re ten times more tired than I am after busting your ass out there today.” He gestured to the TV. Sure enough, a news anchor was covering a story about you evacuating an apartment building after a vicious fire burned the whole building down.

You smiled, leaning against Bakugou. “You know, you’re really cute, Katsuki.”

“Shut up.”

Kirua looked at you, giggling. You and Bakugou continued to watch the daily news as Kirua’s gibberish filled the air.

About halfway through an enthralling story, Kirua placed his hand on your shoulder, as if trying to get your attention.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” You asked.

Kirua smiled before saying, “Fuck.”

Despite the TV in the background, the room was silent before Bakugou broke that silence. “Who the fuck taught you how to say that?!”

“You can’t be serious.” You looked at your husband dumbfounded. “From now on, we can get a babysitter to look after him.”

“Agreed.”

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

thank you! i think you're genuinely the only person that has ever said they actually like the fact that my bathrobe is obnoxiously pink. and you're absolutely right, one of the things i like most about it is that it hurts people's eyes. i love it actually. if you ever celebrate halloween you should absolutely add your bathrobe to your costume. an amazing idea. since it has a mouse face on the hood it could be two costumes rolled into one - both a vampire and a mouse (if in the middle of the evening you get bored of one), which i think would be awesome. and you probably wouldn't get cold (is it cold in nz during halloween? because here it almost always is). we don't celebrate halloween in lithuania either though. which i'm a bit bummed about, because halloween sounds super fun. mostly because of the dressing up! but i did celebrate it once, when i was 11 or 12 maybe? me and a couple of friends decided it would be fun even if it's not really celebrated here. so we dressed up, even went trick ir treating (half the houses had no idea what was happening and also i pretty much froze to death because i was dressed as a dead bride and refused to put a coat on because then you couldn't see my dress) and also watched horror movies. 12 (or 11) year old me thought it was amazing.

oh yeah! i've broken a knife on 2 separate occasions i think. once i tried to get something out of between the blender's blades, used a knife and then accidentally turned the blender on (i'm so fucking glad it was a knife and not my fingers). so the tip of the knife broke off (the blender was ok tho). and the second time i have no idea how it happened. i was cutting up broccoli and the knife just fell apart??? i was so confused, because one second i'm holding a knife and the next it's just two pieces of a handle and the metal part, all separate. had fun explaining that to my dad. you sound pretty unlucky too! i mean, a cut every time you use a knife, but you don't even notice it at the time? i think it's just that knives are out to get us (it's my newest conspiracy theory). i actually get double vision too sometimes! mostly when i'm tired, but i just figured that it was because i have really bad eyesight

they definitely SHOULD teach about gender and sexuality in school. it's a really big problem that in a lot of places it's either not compulsory or not even in the curriculum. honestly, everything i know about sex ed or lgbtq+ i had to learn myself on the internet, because we only had one class when we were like 13 years old with a guest speaker and it was mostly biology and then a little bit about menstruation and pads for girls (i have no idea what they told boys because we were also separated). so sex ed definitely sucks a lot in my country and i bet it's the same in a lot of others, which makes me really mad

exactly!! it's so hard to tell whether i'm feeling romantic or platonic love sometimes! it's confusing. also i remember one time me and a couple of friends had a sleepover and the friend's, who was hosting, parents weren't home so we watched romance movies (scandalous i know). again we were maybe 12. and they kept going "oh he's so hot" and intensely watching the sex scenes. while i was looking away from the tv whenever sexy times were going on and commenting on how much i loved the house design and the garden. gee i wonder what that means. (still can't believe it took me this long to figure out i was ace)

the breakfast went very well though! it's so interesting how different traditions are everywhere. i hope your lunch and the rest of christmas day went well too! (also i forgot to ask last time, but what is boxing day? google says it's mostly a shopping holiday, is it that? we just call it the second day of christmas and it's pretty much the same as christmas day but there's no presents!) but yeah i hope you had fun with your extended family on boxing day!

having acid reflux sounds like it sucks. i love breakfast, it's my favourite meal of the day (when i don't have to rush that is) and i skip lunch a lot because i usually have no time for it (my schedule kinda sucks), so i usually try to have a bigger breakfast. but hey, peanut butter is good! so at least you can have something that tastes good for breakfast!

aaand i feel like this ask got away from me. sorry it's so long!

it’s because i have t a s t e. it may not be GOOD taste but it sure is...taste...and i am proud of it. and yes, i love the idea of adding my dressing gown to my costume specifically because it means i’m basically in my PJ’s. minimal effort. comfort to the max. living the dream. halfway through the night i’m tired of being the vampire no one invites in so i drop to my knees and start the mouse act. mice are good at getting in houses and getting to chocolate and such. the dream. also i absolutely would get bored of one costume within the space of a few hours knowing me, so that’s a plus. uhhhh halloween is october which is. mid-late spring so it really depends on the day. it might be a little cold, might be shorts weather. I rarely leave my house at night so I’m not an expert on nighttime temperatures sdflsdfjsd. 

I used to wish we did Halloween here but that was mostly because I wanted lollies. Although I also liked playing dress up as a young kid so maybe very young me would’ve vibed with the costume aspect. I know there’s a photo of me when I was like, 5 and my best friend of the time dressed up as witches at some point, maybe we had our own little halloween. I also possibly had a halloween themed birthday party once as a kid? I remember the little gift bags having spooky things in them and also possibly a bat cake but my memory is too bad to remember for sure. aha that’s the problem here too, no one locally would ever think to buy lollies to give out so it’d just be like um. you can have an apple I guess? at least you had fun though! i respect the commitment to the costume despite the cold. 

that is such a stressful story to read, i fear for your life. although i understand the knife breaking in that first scenario. that would be terrifying though. what if the blender launched it,,, nOPE. i’m very glad it wasn’t your fingers, that’s some horror movie shit. the second time is just,, it be like that sometimes. it was probably just waiting to happen. my parents have a cheese grater with a loose handle and it. falls off. every time. i dry it. with the dishes. and every time i fear for my life as the grating bit drops off towards my feet as i’m left holding the handle. i should expect it by now but i never do. I get scared every time it happens. knives are definitely out to get us, i fully support this conspiracy theory. oh yeah, tiredness doesn’t help with double vision. i kind of need bifocal glasses by now but I also don’t want bifocal glasses so i just suffer but I suspect having them would reduce the double vision. maybe. maybe not.

yup! i remember someone handing out tampons and pads at primary school, i assume after giving a talk about periods, idk. i do also remember a teacher pulling the girls aside and being like yo, this is what a period is, here’s a horror story about my daughter and a tampon, enjoy the trauma, go back to class. good times. we did actually get really comprehensive sex ed concerning most things at my high school but that is faaaarrr from the norm around here, clearly. although teenage boys are good at filling in gaps, in my experience. they’re like little sex encyclopedias that offer up information without you asking. i didn’t ACTUALLY want to know that but i do now, i guess, thanks michael. 

dude. the ‘oh he’s so hot’ comments are so confusing. ‘hot’ is like a category of attractiveness that I’ve never understood. ‘isn’t he hot?’ what does that MEAN rebecca. i think i asked once if it meant like, attractive or good looking. and the person i asked was like, you know, hot. you just look at them and, you know- no i don’t know. what is this. i don’t think i’ve ever watched a sex scene with people my age though, generally i just zone out for them sdkfhskdfh. i feel like there’s definitely all these indicators when you look back like oh yeah, should’ve realised i was ace then, but it’s just. such a hard sexuality to figure out. not that other sexualities aren’t but you’ve got to figure out an absence of something when you don’t even know what the something feels like- it’s a challenge.

I’m glad it did! It is interesting, for sure. I’ve always been interested in how winter Christmas’s work. As a young kid I didn’t understand hemispheres...obviously...i was like 5...and i’d go out on Christmas morning to see if there was snow. and sometimes it’d be a bit chilly in the morning and I’d be like damn. we almost had some this year. it’s a shame our climate tends to be too hot for snow on christmas :// like no you tiny dumbass it’s summer you little idiot there will be no snow no matter what. everything ended up going super well here :). boxing day is basically just a shopping holiday, i don’t know if it has any significance in any other way, i’m sure it did at one point, but i know there’s always boxing day sales everywhere. I think it’s also a public holiday (?) to give people another day off work and that, but I could be wrong there. I know I also used to regularly go to the races (horse races) nearby that were always held on boxing day, it was like a 150 year old tradition or something until people in attendance started dropping and I think they finally shut it down a couple years back. I didn’t care all that much about the horses but they also had food and carnival-type rides and such for the kids which is why I loved it. also we tended to meet extended family there for a picnic lunch.

acid reflux is like the least of my problems sdfkjshdkf. it’s annoying but it’s pretty managed with medication, I have to watch certain foods and drinks but I’m used to it by now. I think it’s also what causes me to not be able to eat large amounts normally so I survive a lot on snacks and a reasonable sized dinner. works for me. but peanut butter is good! i’m glad i can have that! I used to also have vegemite but that’s a bit more of a push, it’s easier to stick with peanut butter.

also it’s fine!! my responses are always very long too sdfjhskdf.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #216

“cocaine in a crucifix, say your prayers, take your licks.”

How much money is in your wallet right now? Not a lot. Maybe like $10. What’s the last thing you purchased from the store? Me myself? No idea. Have you ever seen the movie Mean Girls? If so, did you think it was funny? Yeah, it's a nice movie. What do you usually get on your sub at Subway? Ham, American cheese, bacon, banana peppers, pickles, and Chipotle sauce. I think that's it. Is your bed made right now? Do you usually make your bed, or does someone make it for you? I'm in my bed. I always am. Have you ever had a crush of one of your friends’ brothers/sisters? No. Do you take naps often? I take one most days. Are you an only child? If not, do you get annoyed by your siblings a lot? No, and they don't annoy me, but then again, I live with none of them. What’s your favorite Disney movie? The Lion King. Does it take you a while to fall asleep? Ugh. Too long. Do you watch TV before you go to sleep? No. Do you listen to music every day? It's very rare I don't. If you could have ANYTHING in the world right now, what would it be? To be satisfied with where I am in life. Do you still watch Spongebob Squarepants? No. I don't not enjoy it, you know I just don't watch television. What kind of bottled water do you drink? Mom buys big jugs of some Great Value-esque or whatever brand. Do you collect stuff someone else would consider junk? If so, then what? No. What's the most your electricity bill has ever reached? Idk, I don't pay it. How much was your tax refund this year or did you pay? N/A How are the kids doing? I don't have any. Do you see a bright light at the end of your tunnel? Just being realistic, not deliberately depressing or anything, I don't know. I could have a very dull and unsuccessful life or a thriving and happy one. What's the most you’ve ever lost gambling? Don't gamble. Have you ever waited in line overnight for something? No. How many concerts have you attended? One. Do you think having an expensive phone is a good investment? To a certain high price, no. So long you can call and text easily and reliably, I don't find it necessary to buy a $500 or whatever phone. Any tattoos? How many do you need or want to cover up? I have six. I'm getting my "ohana" one covered at some point, and I'm going to have "perfectly flawed" tatted over as well; I just want to move it elsewhere, considering I want something else where it already is. How many funerals have you attended? One or two. Have you lost anyone your age to death? No one that I was especially close to, thankfully. Have you ever witnessed a birth in person? Not a human one, thank Christ. I've seen cats give birth many times, and maybe other animals, but I'm not sure. What gender do you identify with? Female. What’s your opinion on astrology? It's total, ridiculous bullshit. Are you more of a science or math person? I'm clueless in math, while science makes sense to me and is far more interesting. What religion/spirituality do you identify with, if any? Theism. I think something made the universe, but I don't pretend to know jackshit about him/her/them/it. What is your opinion on peanut butter & banana sandwiches? I like them every now and again. What is your favorite book that was turned into a movie? The Outsiders, probably. Do you like the movie or the book better? This was so long ago that I honestly don't remember either well... so I really dunno. If you identify as a girl, would you ever consider getting a pixie cut? Yeah. If you identify as a boy, would you ever consider growing your hair out? N/A Are you a metalhead? I guess I mostly fit the definition, but I don't like labeling myself as such considering honestly, the metalhead community tends to have such a "that's not heavy enough" attitude and ridicule anything less than their interests and treat those that like softer metal as outcasts and/or posers. Not even trying to stereotype; befriend or observe people in this category and you'll see what I mean. Do you even listen to metal? Hell yes. Do you watch porn? No. If you don’t, do you have a moral reasoning behind that decision? I just find it... very strange. I don't see the appeal of watching. That's just something I want between me and my partner, you know? Like if you watch it, good for you, so long your s/o (if applicable) is aware and fine with it, but it ain't for me. Do you know anybody who is a Wiccan or Pagan? Yesssss, she's cool as fuck. I need to reconnect with her more. Do/did you ever attend church regularly? I did as a kid. Do you have a godmother/godfather/both? I have no clue. Do you listen to Supertramp? I have no clue who that is. Do you watch Supernatural? Not anymore. I think I stopped at the end of Season 6. What’s your favorite character in your favorite TV show? That '70s Show, probably Hyde. I love and relate to Eric, though. Honestly I love every single character; they're very unique to each other and recognizable with strong personalities. Both Fullmetal Alchemist iterations, most likely Edward. Or possibly one of the Sins, but I don't remember them all well... Oh. I know I loved Envy, for one. Are you wearing any rings right now? Yeah, my Supernatural friendship ring w/ Sara. Calling each other "bitch"/"jerk" between Sam and Dean is a thing in the show, so I have one that says "bitch" on the interior, and Sara has "jerk." Bracelets? Yes, also the one Sara gave me. Necklaces? No. Anklets? No. Chokers/collars? No. Do you go to a firework show every 4th of July? No. Are you diabetic? No. I'm forever proud of that considering it runs heavily in my family, yet even at my worst weight, I didn't develop it. But more importantly, a recent blood test I had for my thyroid or something showed I don't have any indicators of even coming close/being at any risk at this point in time. Are you allergic to gluten? No. Are you lactose intolerant? No. What is your favorite fruit? Strawberries, yum. Your favorite vegetable? Broccoli. Do you live with your parents? I live with my mom. Have you written a formal essay lately? Not in years. How much experience do you have written down on your resume, approximately? I don't have a resume currently, but if I did, it'd only have two months as a sales associate as my other two jobs were so short-lived it'd be stupid to add, especially when you consider the obvious fact that would make me look awful. How long have you had the shirt you’re wearing? A year. What happened last time you got drunk? N/A When’s the last time you straightened your hair? I have zero clue. Do you bite your toe nails? Wtf no. Last time you laughed your head off? Idr. Do you find piercings attractive? Yeah. Did you accept or reject your last friend request? I rejected it. Had no clue who it was, even though we had quite a handful of mutuals. How many cigarettes have you smoked today? N/A Do you have a hard time admitting you’re wrong? It depends on what the subject of the matter is. Do you like potato chips? Is there a human that doesn't???? Do you give out second chances way too easily? Yes. Ever stayed up all night on the phone? Not all night, no. There was one night Jason and I were up a long time talking, but it wasn't all night. What are you excited for? SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever shoplifted? No. If you have shoplifted, are you afraid of getting in trouble? And are you afraid to go back in that store? N/A Have you ever gotten caught shoplifting? If yes, what happened? N/A Have you ever plotted revenge against someone? No. Are you mad at someone right now? Nah. Have you ever egged someone’s house? Fuck no, because I'm not a dick. If not, have you ever WANTED to egg someone’s house? No. Have you ever wanted to kill someone? I was fucking psychotic when I found out Jason was in a new relationship after we broke up. For a long time I wanted her dead. Are you glad you don’t own a gun, because of what you might do with it? Quite honestly, yes. I'm impulsive on bad days, and I don't entirely cross out the possibility of me shooting myself on an awful day. Do you avoid people when they’ve hurt you? Yes. Do you make the most of every opportunity? No. Are you honestly succeeding at life, or failing? Failing miserably at most things. What does your newest journal look like? I don't remember the last time I got a journal. Is there anything you currently want but can’t have? A lot of things. Do you have no one you can trust? No, thankfully. Do you like meatball subs? No, they're so messy. Are you severely sleep deprived? No. What music are you listening to? "LA Devotee" by P!ATD just came on. If you go to school (HS or college), does your school have a rival? N/A What’s your school’s mascot? N/A If you have a sib, do you call him/her “brother” or “sister” sometimes? No. Do you own a Wii? If not, do you want one? Yes. Are there any songs you could just listen to over and over and over? No. I get tired of a song after around 100 repeats. No, I'm not kidding. Before you could loop YT vids (or anyway, before I was aware), I used a website that repeated the video for you and kept track of the repeats. Do you have a favorite basketball team (NBA or college?) No. Have you been baptized in any religious tradition? Yes. If your best male friend got a mohawk, would he look good or ridiculous? Save Him. What did you have for breakfast? A PopTart. What kind of booze did you last take shots of? I've never taken a shot. Have you slept over at a member of the opposite sex’s house in their bed? Yeah, but we were dating. Who last slept in your bed besides you? Sara. If the last person you had sex with asked you to date them, would you? No. What color is your car? (Or the one you drive most often) White. How long have you been single? (Or dating your current interest) Sara and I have been together a year and ten months. Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Yeah. Do you own any books written by musicians? Yeah, Ozzy's autobiography. What is your most interesting invention? Probably some RP characters. Have you ever seen someone sleepwalk? Once. Have you ever thought about getting your tongue pierced? It is pierced. When you’re bored in class, what do you usually do? N/A yet. Do you like your phone? NO. Honestly, are things going the way you planned? Bitch hell no. Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? The woman who adopted Kaiju. I miss him, damn. Have you ever snuggled with someone you weren’t dating? No. Do you know a James? I knew one years ago. If you had to choose to have a different accent than the one you have now, what accent would you choose and why? British. It sounds sophisticated and just generally attractive to me. Have you ever or do you currently live in a Gated Community? I don't and never have. Do you know how to use a DSLR camera? Yeah. Have you ever owned an Axolotl? No, but they cute. What has been the longest amount of time you’ve spent on a plane? I actually don't know. Probably just around two hours. How often do you use Snapchat? I don't have one/never had. Have you ever adopted an animal from an animal shelter? Yes. Where do you usually find surveys from? Tumblr, and if I'm desperate, LiveJournal. Have you ever missed a flight? Yep. The airport biz took WAY longer than any of us expected. What is your favorite film from your childhood? The Lion King. I think it's always been my fave, honestly, I just never really thought about JUST HOW MUCH I love the film and its story since I was a kid. Do you know anyone who is named after a state? Uhhh I know at least one Caroline, and that's close enough? Jason's mom's name is a state, too. What was the reason for your previous doctor’s visit? I was getting a full blood panel done to check my thyroid. Have you ever been to an outdoor cinema? No. Well, my elementary school and church used to do these "movies on the lawn" type things where they used a huge projector to play a movie outside around late evening, but I don't know if that counts. Have you ever had a “bad trip”? If yes, what happened? N/A How often do you use Instagram? I usually check it once a day or two to follow certain celebs' stories 'n shit. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? If so, do you still smoke? No. Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey? Jim. Do you enjoy learning about conspiracy theories? If so, what is your favorite? Y'all know I love me some conspiracies. My favorite - as in most interesting, not that I seriously believe in it - is the one that our current reality is just a simulation from a "future" civilization for study or just play purposes. It's interesting to think about with alarming evidence. Elon Musk 100% believing in it puts more "hey this might actually be worth considering" into it, but I think I lean more towards it being false. It's not something I think about much though as I have THE most Detroit: Become Human mindset about it ever, lmao. It just doesn't matter to me. Wow, what a ramble. Do you find hand tattoos attractive on your preferred sex? I find tattoos (usually) attractive in general, so like- What is your favorite Netflix original series? I have no clue what's Netflix-exclusive. I don't watch it. Have you ever owned a Tamagotchi? Yep, or at least something similar to it. My sister especially loved those little things. Do you have a favorite “survey blog” on Tumblr? If so, who? Dunno if tagging random people in surveys is annoying, so I'll break the link, but @/thedarkeststarsurveys seems super cool and nice. Would you rather be able to control fire or water? Probably fire for self-defense purposes, and I just like fire. Water seems... overall pretty useless to control, unless you can like, manifest it. Then you could solve a world of problems. Have you ever used your phone in class or at work without anyone knowing? Actually no. Have you ever been to Canada? No. What is your favorite condiment to put on fries? Ketchup. Do any famous people follow you on Twitter or Instagram? Definitely not to my knowledge, but I highly doubt it. Do you usually take the stairs or the elevator? Elevator. Even though I'm scared of them. Stairs and my horrible knees don't mix. What salads do you usually get on your Subway order? None. Have you ever made your own cocktails at home? Not myself. My old friend did. Have you seen all the Star Wars films? I watched the first three disinterestedly with Girt once, and neither of us liked them. I didn't get the appeal at all. Do you own any shirts with funny words or pictures on them? Yeah. Are your eyes the same color they were when you were a baby? They were more blue. Do you take the pickle off your burgers? No. Who do you share your bathroom with? Anyone else in the house. What color is your bed frame? Brown. Have you ever kissed someone you met that day? No. Do you share a bed with anyone? No. Well, excluding Roman and sometimes Teddy. Name all the people you know that you’ve seen today. My mom. When a car cuts you off, is the driver a jerk or is there an explanation? "Most of the time the driver is a jerk." <<< Yep. What are your thoughts on cosmetic surgery? You do you, boo. Has a man/woman ever broke your heart? If so, have you recovered? Yes, and yes as well as a PTSD victim can; your brain is literally changed after trauma, and considering I still have dreams/nightmares about him very regularly and he suddenly crosses my mind literally every single day despite never wanting to think about him, I don't think you could consider me totally recovered. Name a few things that make you really happy. Really happy? Being with Sara, Mark doing so much as blinking, long car rides with my music blaring way too loud, finding a new song and binging it for hours, a mount dropping in WoW goddamn y'all I have over 300, being complimented on my photography (or like... anything), my niece and/or nephew saying they love me or anything along those lines without being prompted (ex. when leaving, that kinda stuff), going to Olive Garden 'cuz breadsticks and spicy shrimp fritas lol, finishing a drawing and actually liking the result, getting Venus out and she acts like a cuddlebug the whole time, uh... other stuff that isn't coming to me. What’s your favorite type of sushi? Never tried it, don't want to. Have you ever read a book about a character in a psych ward? I don't think so. Have you ever been in a mental hospital as a patient? Too many times fuck but those days done fam. Do you take birth control pills? Currently for taming the pain and symptoms of my cycle, but it's hopefully changing to a longer, better solution soon to just totally eliminate it to remove its effects on my mood entirely for mental health tracking purposes. When’s the last time you got a new outfit? I don't buy full outfits. Do you have an imaginary best friend? (i.e., someone you wish was your best friend but currently isn’t) No. Do you like soy sauce? NO. Do you have a good doctor? I haven't had her long, but she's nice and seems knowledgeable. What’s your favorite store to browse around? Whew, Hot Topic my friends. Do you ever meditate on Scripture? No. Do you like poetry? Yeah. What’s the name of the most recent baby a friend had? Dawson. Do you have expensive tastes? Definitely not. What is your dream job? Meerkat biologist or paleontologist. What is your favorite music style currently? I've been digging power metal a lot lately. I like, live off of Powerwolf. I've been wanting to find more symphonic metal I enjoy, too... Are you wearing comfortable clothes right now? Yeah. Is there a bad habit you’re trying to break right now? Yeah, rather just keep it quiet. Is it easy to find a job in your preferred field in your home town? Fuck. No. When is the last time you went to a fun fair? ~August 2015. I remember it because it happened pretty shortly before the breakup. How about an amusement park? I have zero clue. Probably not since I went to Disney World as a child. Ladies: Would you ever consider proposing? If not, why not? If I'm with a woman, yes. I don't really have a proper reason why I wouldn't if I was with a man... I have NO problem with women proposing to men, I just think I'd personally feel weird. Oh, that makes sense; the fact of how I am with men - scared and doubtful - probably says a good deal. I'd want to see "oh wow he actually wants to be with me so much he's asking himself." Gentlemen: How would you feel, if you were proposed to? N/A Have you ever played the original Mass Effect trilogy? No. If so, which Shepard and who do you like romancing the best? N/A Let’s say there’s a person in need. They need money which they can’t make. Would you be more likely to help them out, if a celebrity asked you to? "Tbh right now I’m not really in a position to help anyone out financially. But hypothetically if I had the money to do so, some celebrity’s opinion wouldn’t matter." <<< This. When you go to a restaurant, do you have a go-to dish? Pretty much always. I don't tend to try new foods. Or do you always try out something new? ^ No. Would you rather live next to a kindergarten or an old folks’ home? Holy fuck, the latter. Living next to a school, esp. elementary, might even be a deal-breaker as far as buying a house goes. I'm not dealing with the noise and traffic. What was the last game that you played? I'm "playing" World of Warcraft currently, waiting for a stupid dinosaur to spawn to be denied a mount again. :^) What do you know about Finland? Nothing. Where was the postcard from that traveled the longest way to you? I don't think I've ever gotten a postcard. Have you ever made jewelry? Besides like those bead, "friendship," and plastic bracelets that were popular in the early 2000s, no. Which app do you use the most on your phone? Uhhhh I think Facebook? I don't use apps much. Did you learn to play an instrument as a kid? If so, which one? Recorders in elementary school and then flute in middle school-junior year in high school. What is the best part of your most ordinary day? Mark uploading cries. What’s your dad’s hair color? It's almost entirely gray now, but it's naturally black. Who was the last person you heard sing? Myself, I think. Surprisingly. Do you bite your lips a lot? My bottom one, occasionally. Have you ever dated someone with tattoos? For less than a day. Did you donate to Haiti? No. I've never had a source of stable income. Are your parents rich? BITCH- What’s your mom’s job? She's a pharmacy tech. Have you ever thrown up in public? Yes. In the middle of my 1st grade class lmaaaoooo. Have you ever failed gym in school? No. Are you scared of dogs? Nope. What reality show would you like to be in? None. What TV show makes you laugh? Most consistently, That '70s Show. Doesn't matter that I've seen I think every episode multiple times, I still laugh so easily at it. Family Feud gets me good too, if it's Steve Harvey hosting it. Have you ever heard of Joe Purdy? If so, do you like his music? Never heard of 'im. What is the saddest movie you’ve ever seen? Probably Johnny Got His Gun. Would you ever wear real fur? Fuck no. Who do you envy and why? Successful people. Because I'm the polar opposite. What color is the house you live in? Khaki. Which one of your friends is most likely to be famous one day? Why? Probablyyyy... Shannen. She is phenomenal at photography and already employed in NY with a fashion company for it. I am unbelievably envious of her, too, but also very happy. She deserves it. Do you have a favorite cousin? No. I rarely ever see my cousins, and if I do, it's usually just two. What is the worst present you have ever gotten? I've never gotten a "bad" gift. I appreciate the thought behind anything. Like I've gotten things entirely unrelated to me, but I still appreciate them. Who was it from? N/A Who is your favorite author? Don't have one. Do you shave your arms? No.

[thecowgirlwitch]

Awnser all the questions of the post you recently reblogged.

Yeet 1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?-water bottles. I like metal ones. 2. chocolate bars or lollipops?-lollipops3. bubblegum or cotton candy?-cotton candy4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?-a pleasure to have in class and a creative writer. I wrote a lot of stories and was told by a few teachers I could be a published author when I got older. I hope they’re right. 5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?-cans the easiest 6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?-boho goth county would accurately describe me7. earbuds or headphones?-earbuds but not apple earbuds Bc they hurt8. movies or tv shows?-tv shows under 30 mins bc my attention span is 2 seconds (excluding the Orville and 911 bc those are amazing shows)9. favorite smell in the summer?-well water and main and tail shampoo10. game you were best at in p.e.?-volleyball. If I didn’t have to play 2 sports to be in athletics I would have played it in high school. 11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?-I don’t eat breakfast usually at school but when I work at camp I’ll usually have 2 eggo waffles and peanut butter maybe with a plum or something 12. name of your favorite playlist?-drive songs 13. lanyard or key ring?-key ring. I can’t stand having my keys on a lanyard 14. favorite non-chocolate candy?-Swedish fish 15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?-the secret life of bees and of mice and men. They are the only two I actually read all the way through and didn’t sparknotes lmaoo16. most comfortable position to sit in?-completely slouched in a chair with on leg crossed 17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?-my serape ariat cruisers or my berks 18. ideal weather?-70s to mid 80s with a nice breeze 19. sleeping position?-I’m a stomach sleeper lol but I usually try to fall asleep on my left side 20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?-note book. My favorite are the 5-star note books. College rule. One subject. 21. obsession from childhood?-dinosaurs and rocks. Still relevant today as a geology major22. role model?-don’t have role models. They always disappoint. Just be a decent person and do what you enjoy. 23. strange habits?-I rub the corners of blankets and pillows and such on and under my thumb nail. But only my right. I also poke my tongue out of my mouth a little when I’m riding. 24. favorite crystal?-I’m a sucker for amethyst. But quartz is also a favorite. I have natural quartz clusters all over my backyard at home. 25. first song you remember hearing?-besides like baby songs it was probably something my dad was listening to so I’m going to say Loser by Beck or Sweet Home Alabama bc those have been staples of my life. 26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?-ride and then immediately jump in the lake 27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?-read 28. five songs to describe you?-I don’t know enough about myself to know what describes me but my favorite songs rn are ‘99’ by Barnes Courtney, Colours by Grouplove, Pumped Up Kicks by foster the people, Talk Too Much by Coin, and Broken by lovelytheband 29. best way to bond with you?-talk to me 30. places that you find sacred?-nature, whataburger at 3am, and my room 31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?-I always feel badass when I wear my show chaps 32. top five favorite vines?-omg so many. Road work ahead, Adam, any from that kid that wear his hoodie and has his ears sticking out (snoooooooooop), well when life gives you lemons, you either kill your self or get killed what you gonna do 33. most used phrase in your phone?-lmaooo34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?-tide pods with gronk 35. average time you fall asleep?-midnight ish 36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?-ummmm it was probably some iFunny shit 37. suitcase or duffel bag?-duffle 38. lemonade or tea?-sweet tea 39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?-lemon meringue pie from Bluebonnet Cafe 40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?-some much. Some let a rooster loose in the main hall and no one could catch it, some left stink bait in the locker and the whole school smelled, some just showed up and gave my ag teacher a calf, we had a interim principal who we called Bernie Sanders which he hated and sent out a announcement video telling us to stop and we only got worse 41. last person you texted?-my mom42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?-jacket pockets 43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?-oof I’m a sucker for a cardigan 44. favorite scent for soap?-lavender 45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?-fantasy 46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?-over sized t shirt47. favorite type of cheese?-mozzarella 48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?-I feel like I would be a strawberry bc im a strawberry blond/a redhead 49. what saying or quote do you live by?-sometime it just be like that 50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?-this video has my gasping every. Single. Time. If you’re sad PLS WATCH: https://youtu.be/23B017ZVIx451. current stresses?-finals and getting my wisdom teeth removed 52. favorite font?-I only use times new roman lol I don’t type a lot 53. what is the current state of your hands?-dry but my nails are getting long which I’m glad about54. what did you learn from your first job?-I worked retail so I learned how to handle people at their worst lol 55. favorite fairy tale?-I like the Disney Rapunzel, but I also like the original telling if the little mermaid 56. favorite tradition?-watching the 24hours of a Christmas Story during Christmas 57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?-self harm -body image -fighting 58. four talents you’re proud of having?-creativity through writing, riding, baking, common sense59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?-bro60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?-yoooo61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?-I’ve read too many books to have a favorite line from just one lol, but I heard “I’m a grown up ass man I can do what I want” on AP bio which was pretty funny 62. seven characters you relate to?-Nina Zenik from Six of Crows. That’s it. She’s the only one. 63. five songs that would play in your club?-I cannot stand clubs or bars so none lol64. favorite website from your childhood?-fucking moshimonster.com and girlsgogames.com 65. any permanent scars?-yep. I got burned as a baby and still have the scars on my fingers 19 years later. I have a lot more as well. 66. favorite flower(s)?-I’m more of a succulent person so cactus flowers 67. good luck charms?-I don’t really have any 68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?-I had ranch flavored soda once so that takes it. But I don’t like cheap beer either. 69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? -a daddy long leg spider is the most poisonous spider but their fangs are too weak to pierce human skin 70. left or right handed?-right 71. least favorite pattern?-houndstooth 72. worst subject?-calculus 73. favorite weird flavor combo?-hot Cheetos and sour cream74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?-575. when did you lose your first tooth?- 5 y/o76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?-mashed 100%77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?-jade succulents 78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?-I like sushi from HEB 79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?-school id80. earth tones or jewel tones?-earth times 81. fireflies or lightning bugs?-firefly 82. pc or console?-Uhhh idk??? 83. writing or drawing?-writing 84. podcasts or talk radio?-talk radio 84. barbie or polly pocket?-Polly pocket. Forbidden gummy 85. fairy tales or mythology?-mythology 86. cookies or cupcakes?-cupcakes with no icing 87. your greatest fear?-bugs crawling in my ear 88. your greatest wish?-to be successful and happy with a S/O and a daughter on lots of land89. who would you put before everyone else?-my parents 90. luckiest mistake?-There are no mistakes. Everything happens for a reason. 91. boxes or bags?-depends 92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?-sunlight93. nicknames?-my dad calls me sissy bug and my mom calls me bamber and my friends call my dumb bitch lol so 94. favorite season?Spring or fall. They’re basically the same in Texas. 95. favorite app on your phone?-social media apps96. desktop background?-I don’t have a desktop but my laptop is just a pre downloaded galaxy ones. 97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?-mine, my moms, my dads, and my dads business 98. favorite historical era?-ancient Egypt and the 60s

[donghun-s]

the very large sp3arb tag

so @sp3arb has tagged me in a total four tags recently and i’m finally getting around to all of them!! tysm for all the tags, meri (btw i love your name?? i think its super cute!) and i hope you learn a bunch of unnecessary stuff abt me lmao (under the cut bc this is a long ass post)

i dont have a name for this tag

1ST RULE: Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

im not tagging anyone bc im bad at things and most ppl i wanna know about, meri has already tagged so

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true.

APPEARANCE: - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo - I have at least one piercing - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair - My abs are at least somewhat defined - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY: - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know- I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY: - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory - I am good at doing maths in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority  - I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES: - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol - I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

MY LIFE: - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling - I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS: - I am in a Relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship - I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily - I have had a crush for over a year - I have been in a relationship for over a year - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM: - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie  - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least two languages [i don’t speak two, i speak one and sign in another] - I have made a new friend in the past year

alphabet tag

Rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better

I was tagged by Roxanne ( is it ok if I call you Roxy? I like Roxy) Actually @lxx-fxlix  And for some reason it did not give me the notification you did, I was casually stalking your blog when I saw:

A: age? 16 (01 liner)

B: birthplace? North Carolina

C: current time? 7:53 pm

D: drink you had last? Arnold Palmer (half sweet tea, half lemonade)

E: easiest person to talk to? for me, it’s my irl best friend gwen and my best friend on here, krys

F: favorite song? oof i’m super indecisive so i’m just gonna commit to mayday by got7 (it always changes but mayday has stayed on my constantly rotating playlist for nearly six months now; most are on for six weeks, max)

G: grossest memory? uh probably when one of my swim lesson kids tried to eat a bug (they were like four) and i had to make them spit it out into my hands 

H: hogwarts house? proud slytherin!!

I: in love? i love a lot of people, but i’m not IN love

J: jealous of people? not anymore, my self-esteem has gotten so much better in past years

K: killed someone? uhm a couple of times in fics (*cough* jinjin in not like this *cough*)

L: love at first sight or should i walk by again? not love but pls walk by again bc i’m probably enjoying your aesthetics

M: middle name? christine

N: number of siblings? one, an older sister

O: one wish? to adopt a kid with no family or an unhealthy one (obvs when  older and financially stable)

P: person you called last? my sister called me yesterday morning, and before that i had called my friend to tell him abt a near death experience when i was driving

R: reasons to smile? something good will happen to you, you’ll meet someone wonderful, and there’s always new experiences to happen

S: song you sang last? poet by bastille (an underrated fave)

T: time you woke up? about 8 am

U: underwear color? light heathered grey

V: vacation destination? i’d love to go to greece someday! santorini would be my first choice, and then my great-grandparents old village near thessaloniki

W: worst habit? probs my dermatillia (picking at acne on my face until it bleeds, then picking at the scabs, leaving a bunch of scars that will never go away)

X: x-rays? i got one on my tailbone one time, two years after i sprained it bc my mom didn’t believe me

Y: your favorite food? uhhh most anything tbh; i quite like the honey butter chicken sandwich from pdq

Z: zodiac sign? libra

✨ Fun Facts Tag ✨

Rules for this are:

Have fun with it!  

Tag some of your mutuals

1) Favourite colours:

orange!! and after that, any kinds of pastel or muted darks

2) Favourite song at the moment:

lotto by exo has been on replay in my head, my car, and my earbuds

3) Last book you read:

the sun and her flowers by rupi kaur

4) Last TV show you watched:

i tried to watch part-time idol bc hyunbin from jbj was in it, but within the first 15 minutes they set up an unnecessary relationship so i had to nope out of there real hard; i then reverted back to rewatching white collar for the fifth time

5) Last movie you watched:

does john mulaney’s nerflix comedy special comeback kid count?? if not, probably nightmare before christmas way back around christmastime

6) If you have a pet whats their name?:

four dogs: pheonix, kino, midge, and bess; three horses: little man, gem, and andy (ironically i’m allergic to dogs and horses, and my dad keeps buying more)

7) If you have siblings how many?:

one, my older sister

8) Favourite thing to do on a weekend:

i love doing my swim lessons and seeing all my kids!! i haven’t been able to lately bc of the weather, 

9) Best tumblr friends:

i only talk to @cheesyramynry on a daily basis, but i have a lot of blogs that i consider friendly acquaintances or casual friends as well!!

10) Favourite thing about yourself:

i value my compassion and empathy above all else; i am very much the mom friend and love to be it

11) Favourite memory:

ah i have so many; i think rn i’m gonna go with this past christmas, bc it was my last one with my grandfather

12) 3 weird habits:

swallowing gum, taking all my pills in descending size order, i tend to mimic how a singer sounds when i sing along to the song (ex: if they have a british accent, i’ll subconsciously sing in a british accent; if they stress certain syllables in certain ways, i’ll do it too)

13) What would you call your style?:

comfortable (stretchy jeans, t-shirts, hoodies) and with a few signature Gay Things (jean jacket, flannels, oversized mens’ button ups, a couple gay/bi pride shirts)

14) Odd talent:

if i have lyrics in front of me to a song i’ve never heard before, i can predict the pattern of the tunes and rhythm and sing along the first time

15) Do you have a tumblr crush?:

literally all of aroha and all of the sk fandom (y’all are the loveliest fandoms i’ve ever been a part of)

the stray kids tag

Rules: answer the questions in a new post, and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better.

I’ve decided that in celebration of Stray Kids pre-debut album I needed to create a tag. The ultimate goal for The Stray Kids Tag is to learn about your Tumblr mutuals, and have fun answering the Stray Kids related questions!  Here we go:

1: When did you decide to join the Stray kids fandom?

i saw a thread of information abt the suspected nine members before they were officially announced and was like ‘yes i must stan them and love them with all of my heart.’ so uh,,,,, back in august or september??

2: What is your favorite episode of Stray Kids? uhm, i’m gonna expose myself rn and let y’all know that i’ve never actually seen a full episode of the show; as soon as i heard it was gonna be a survival show, i knew that i couldn’t watch it bc my heart was too weak and i was emotionally incapable of becoming too invested while watching it; but from clips, i quite like the episode with the 3:3:3 mission, and also the last episode when all nine were reunited and told they were going to debut together

3: Who would you say is your bias in Stray kids?

my initial one was chan, and they i got rlly confused, and then slowly came to realize that it was jeongin (anything else after that is a fucking mess)

4: Who would you say is your bias wrecker in Stray kids?

literally kill me all of them bias wreck me so hard bUT hyunjin, jisung, seungmin, and chan have been wrecking me so hard in particular lately

5: What line would you want to be apart of in Stray kids? uHHH not dance line bc swimmers have 0 coordination on land; i quite like singing even tho i’m not good at, so probably that, but i can also hit all of chan’s english rap parts in 3racha songs, and keep up with lafayette’s raps in hamilton, and a lot of the english rappers i like too so uh,,, sign me up for rap line too

6: What is the first song you heard of Stray kids? hellevator

7: What is the first song you heard of 3racha? i think it was either hoodie season or runner’s high

8: What is your favorite song on their pre-debut album?

young wings or school life or yayaya (or grr or 4419 or glow or hellevator)

9: What is a concept you’d like to see Stray Kids try in the future?

i love their current optimistic and slightly rebellious teenager concept rn bc its an Eternal Mood; but i always love myself a soft boyfriend concept 

10: if you could meet with the members of Stray kids for one day what would you say to them?

how proud of them i am, and how proud of themselves they should be; i would tell them about how they’re saying things that resonate deeply for their fans and i love that they’re talking abt real world problems; i would also make sure to tell them (chan and 3racha especially) to make sure to rest more, and eat well, and take care of themselves emotionally as well as physically; and finally i’d like to tell jeongin how wonderful he is and that he’s doing so much at such a young age (lmao he’s actually eight months older than me but that’s no the point) and to never lose his cute little smile

finally done!! meri, if you actually read all of this, uh thank you????? i hope you now know everything you wanted to know abt me, and probably more than you wanted to know

i’m bad at tagging people, so if you also made it this far and haven’t done some of these tags, choose one, or a couple, or all of them and do them yourself!! just say that i tagged you!!

[chanzicoup]

A/N: I’ll probably get a request to do Ravi as well so I’ll just make one for both him and N. totally not because i am a total piece of garbage for daddy!vixx I got this template from tenseoyong and I could not find the original creator to give proper credit to.

A = Announcement.- How do you tell him and the world that you’re expecting?

You had been feeling a bit under the weather lately and N would be concerned and make you take time off of work to get rest. When you started vomiting every morning his worries over came him and he took you to a doctor. That was where you found out you and him were 2 months pregnant! He'd be in shock but he's still very proud. He'd keep things simple and tell Starlights over social media or through an interview, but for people close to him and you he'd prefer to tell them in person.

B = Books.- Did he read the books?

Since N is pretty good at taking care of VIXX and of his many nieces and nephews he probably wouldn't need the books.

C = Cuddles.- Who cuddles the baby more?

N would hog the baby 24/7. Even when he's at work and you visited to drop something off he'd kiss your cheek and the baby is in his arms??? Even if it's for a minute he'd be happy.

D = Daddy.- His reaction to being called Daddy and it setting in.

When he told the fans about you and him becoming parents he was afraid they'd be upset you didn't tell them at the beginning even though you guys found out later on as well, but when he got good reactions and encouragement he would feel relieved and would make every VIXX TV somehow related to the baby that was soon to come.

E = Empty.- Who goes to the store when you guys run out of supplies?

Both you and him are busy so most likely neither of you would have the time to go to the store so N would probably make Leo do it, since he is the Vixx Uncle who is the most soft for the baby. Like if Leo was originally going to say no N would guilt him into doing it because the baby needs his Uncle Leo.

F = Feeding time- Who does feeding time?

N would encourage hard foods too early and give hot milk to the baby by mistake so you'd probably have to do it most of the time.

G = Grumpy baby. - Who is better at dealing with a grumpy baby?

N can't seem to get a break because after all day being teased by his band members his grumpy baby only gets worse when he tries making faces and silly noises. When you come in with the baby's favorite toy and blanket they stop crying and are back to normal. N isn't salty at all.

H = How?- how many kids does he want?

He comes from a big family with not only his older siblings but their children as well so N would want quite a few of his own as well. To my knowledge most of his siblings have sat least 2 children so N would want four or five to have a full house. But he'd want to wait a few years in between so that the older kids can help out with the younger ones.

Jokes.- best dad joke?

"I would tell a joke about Pizza but it's a bit cheesy."

K = Kisses.- His favorite place to kiss the baby.

He's really affectionate and while N would be the one to not have one spot that he kisses he'd probably kiss the baby's face more because it's always out there and not covered by anything.

L = Little.- How he feels when he holds the baby for the first time.

N would literally be bouncing in his spot from enthusiasm. After months and months of waiting the baby was finally here! You'd be in the hospital bed still and N would be roaming around the room flying the baby like an airplane.

"Honey slow down! They were just born!"

"But we're having fun!"

M = Mommy.- what does he call you?

When in the presence or the baby he and you will some how start talking in the third person but when there are the few moments you two have together he'll be cringy and call you "sweetheart" or something.

N = Nappies.- who deals with the really bad diapers?

He'd have the most experience with babies and if you're the one doing feeding time he's doing diapers.

O = Onesies- Who likes to dress the baby in ridiculous outfits?

N has a pretty keen sense of style but when he tries to put your son or daughter in a jean jacket during the summer time you'll have to draw the line.

P = Pet names- names he calls the baby.

He'd probably call them their name tbh. It will be the VIXX members who are the ones that have their own unique nicknames for their leader's kid.

Q = Questions.- How many questions does he ask the nurse?

He wouldn't need to ask any really. If there's something that pops into his head that goes off of what the nurse said then he'll ask but honestly he kind of knew the answer but just wanted to be sure.

R = Rely- what is the biggest thing you rely on each other for?

You guys share the hardships of parenthood and all of the tasks that go along with it but every so often you both need a break. You'd two rely on each other to take care of the baby when you take a "mental health day" because those do exist @schoolsandparents

S = Sleep duty. - who gets up when it’s really late at night?

N is super caring and would put your health before his own any day so he'll do most of the night time feedings and diaper checks. You'll have to make him lay back down when he's already gotten up about five or six times.

T = Trepidation.- fears as a new parent.

He'd be scared he wouldn't be able to handle being both an idol and a father. As much as he wants to be involved he knows that one day he'll have a big concert on the same day as an event your child is participating in. He just doesn't want to miss anything his child does especially if it's something they worked hard on.

U = Ultra sounds.- His reactions to the ultrasounds.

You guys got an ultrasound at three months into the pregnancy and since you found out about the baby at two months it would be so quick to N, like is this how it'll be at the next two ultrasounds? Will time just fly by so quickly neither of you can enjoy it? None the less he'll like going to these appointment for support and to check in on the baby but he'll probably put all of the pictures in a scrapbook so you two can enjoy it again in the future.

V = Values.- what is the most important value he wants to teach your child.

He'd want his child to know that they can't let people who will talk them down get in their way of doing great things. N's son or daughter may inherit his dark skin and shortish height (they are both gorgeous qualities about N fight me) but he wants their child to remember that whatever is on the inside is what is most important.

W = Water.- Who gives the babe the baths?

N would want the both of you to do it because play time can be brought into bath time. Also N would like the extra airs of eyes watching the baby when he turns his back to grab a towel.

X = X-mas- what do you guys plan for the holidays?

You know how Jellyfish Ent. does those Christmas videos? Yeah well aside from spending time with family N would want you, the baby, and him to do one of those photo shoot videos too. You get pictures done and a video for the fans, win-win!

Y = Yelling.- How many fights do the two of you get in?

Since N nags a lot i could see you guys getting into fights pretty often but they are never too serious. Literally five minutes after one of you storm off you act like nothing has even happened and the whole argument was forgotten.

Z = Zoo- How crazy is the house after the birth?

He is good at housekeeping so I can tell that the house is normally clean, at least the parts that guests would see like the living room, bathroom, and kitchen. But the other parts of the houses i.e bedrooms and closets are atrocious.

~Blake

[daehquns]

( * kyong dae-hyun. )

♡ — * » KYONG DAEHYUN looks so cute on the beach !! apparently, ( he/they ) come from ( south korea ) and are a ( twenty ) years old ( pansexual ) ( demiboy ) ( med student ). other hotel residents described them as ( gentle + sage ), but also ( ambivalent - faint-hearted ). don’t you think they look a bit like ( PARK JIMIN ) ?

WARNING: this is really long, my dudes. so long.

hello hi hi, it’s SKY ( 2-o, she/her, cest tz, but an insomniac ) & this is my smol blob of confusion, so if their story confuses you, i succeeded. also this is easily my absolute favourite character ever, so ,,, idk random info. ALSO: i have an exam tomorrow, my peeps, so i don’t think i’ll be around till tomorrow but !! i can’t wait to plot & interact with all of you.

SORTA BIO THING:

[ MISCARRIAGE TW ] kyong daehyun was born in daegu, south korea on the 22nd of february 1997. they were sort of a miracle baby bc their mom went through two miscarriages before them ( she’s rh negative & the babies were rh positive n ,,, i wont explain the biology behind it, im sure yall know that ). they’re an only child. they’ve always wanted a sibling ( an older one ,,,, they always want the impossible things smfh ). so yeah, they were a bit lonely while growing up

they were a very weak child who’d fall ill quite often (their family used to call them aga/aggie/babybc of it … sorta stuck with them to this day ), so much that it affected their education. the poor bean skipped a lot of classes, so eventually their parents decided it was best for them to leave school. they were homeschooled !! altho they now have incredible work ethic bc of this, they didn’t have many friends while growing up :( they sorta didnt even get the chance to develop n test their social skills. they came in contact with their parents, nannies, parents’ business partners, etc … long story short, they were surrounded by adults. this made them VERY mature for their age, even back then.

the greatest discovery of their life was the internet. they had little interest in sports & going outside, so they’d spend their free time glued to the screen of their laptop, either watching movies, youtube videos & tv shows or getting to know strangers from across the world thanks to various websites & apps. they’d often stay up all night n ruin their sleep pattern in order to talk to their friends from other timezones. they made them so happy. so. happy.

their parents sort of made them pursuit a medical career, though, they literally have -10 interest in it. not 0. -10. they just want to make them proud, ok ?? especially since they’ve always been an incredible student n studying came easily to them. they were praised while growing up, so naturally they started thinking they were exceptional as well.

COLLEGE ! they. hate. it. hate it. like, they are fallin apart n are like “wow so what is this, i thought i was smart ?? they told me i was the most intelligent kid in the world wHY cant i do literally anything now w o w im so average yUCK”.  i mean, they still get good grades, but they ARE struggling.

[ PROFESSOR/STUDENT RELATIONSHIP THING TW ] … idk maybe someone’s triggered by that. anyway, there was a class that made them 11/10 done with life & they were sure they’d fail it n ruin their entire life, so they approached the professor ( who ,,, was rly hot n made hyunnie weak in the knees ok ) n were like “i will literally do ANYTHING in order to pass this class ,,,,,, pls”. like, they had 0 shame bc they were so done with it. n ,,, long story short, they ended up sleeping with the professor … ,,, multiple times. t was bc of the grade the first time, but … they’re pretty much in love with him now. and they’re a bit foolish, they hope he’s in love with them too. n idk they sort of dream about being in a real relationship with them.  l mao … my poor kiddo.

COOLER INFO THING:

nicknames include: hyunnie, dee, mochi ( i have to steal that from jiminieeee bc yes. my squishy bol of cuteness ), aga/aggie/baby. or just call them dae or  hyun honestly

daehyun is a demiboy ( they/them or he/him. if you refer to them as she/her, they will feel uncomfortable, but they will not have the guts to correct you. lmao one time they watched a woman make them european-style pancakes with nutella & cherries, even though they asked for a nutella/banana combo. they did not correct her. they ate half of it, left with a pout on their face n were sad for the rest of the day tHATS HOW ANXIOUS N SHY THEY ARE BYE ). anyway, as i said   ——   demiboy. panromantic ( very romantic, a huge dreamer. the type to imagine cute scenarios with their crush before falling asleep ). pansexual, though the most attracted to masculine physique buT !! they’re too self-conscious n emotion-dependent that they can’t have sex with just about anyone. n o. byee. like, the thought of getting naked in front of someone is terrifying to them, so they really need to trust n know the person. i wouldn’t call them demisexual though, since they do experience sexual attraction without having an emotional bond, they just … can’t let go of their ~stupid insecurities~

[ FOOD TW ] they don’t eat meat. yes, they do love animals n feel sad about those poor things, but that’s not the main reason why they don’t eat it. the smell, the look, the taste of meat makes them incredibly sick. when they were smol & had any sort of meat for lunch, they’d sit at the table for 5 hours n eat everything BUT the meat. most of the time, they used to give it to their dog who was v chubby bc of them. lunch was the worst time of the whole day for them, it was suuuuuuuper bad, especially since their parents didn’t understand their problem n called them spoiled. now that they are away from home, they’re super happy cause they can eat whatever they want ( sweets n pastries ). this bish ALWAYS has a lollipop in their mouth n a candy bar with them.

why are they obsessed with lollipops ? thanks to them they destroy their nails n cuticles LESS when bored, since their mouth is occupied. you can determine how life’s goin for daehyun just by looking at their hands. when everything’s good, their nails are painted ( the execution n design also say a lot about how much free time they have n how clear their head is ). when everything’s shit, they aren’t painted, they are bloody and sore, skin completely damaged, so much that it hurts to touch items with the very tips of their fingers. everything burns n they’re wincing 25/8.

they always have literally everything with them. you need a tissue, a comb, a hair brush, a band-aid, a hand sanitizer, a nail polish, some water, something sweet, a set of stem cells & a cure for every illness in the world ?they have it all. they’re always prepared for every situation. this is bc of their huge fear of facing a situation for the first time unprepared. also … you should never make them order food on their own or make a serious phone call or wtvr bc .. they can’t do that.

they’re fluent in english, but pls don’t throw big words at them :( they feel so embarrassed when they don’t know what something means. they go home & write the new word on one of their colourful cards, along with its translation to korean, a smol explanation & an example sentence n they have loads of those cards that they reread whenever they have time. when they learn a new word, they love showing off lmao dumbass

while they were back in korea n spending time on youtube, they used to watch a lot of kpop mvs + makeup tutorials n fell in love with makeup n wanted to look as beautiful as the people in those videos. they started stealin their mother’s makeup n used to be awful at paintin’ their face, but got better with time. they used to save money for eyeliners n primers n highlighters n all sort of shit n they’d hide all the products in their room n play with them whenever they were home alone. they know it’s their true passion& call, but they are so discouraged by the fact that they can’t even walk outside wearing makeup. they aint confident enough & still don’t think they can pull it off.

they made a new youtube account with the intention to post their own tutorials, but … mm, there’s still 0 uploaded videos on that channel

i’ve been struggling to decide which hair colour to go with … black, platinum blonde, silver or pink n i chose …pink.

they’ve never been in an actual relationship. never cuddled, or did couple-y things. their professor took their virginity, so … ya. that’s one of the reasons why they’re refusing to let him go.

[MEDICATION TW] as i mentioned before, they were a weak child who was often sick and had bad migraines ,,, this sort of got them hooked on medication ?? like, they will convince themself that their head is hurting and jus pop a pill without any need to do so ,,,, like, they are 110% sure they need pills to function normally every single day.

nature !! the world !! they love it.

aesthetics hoe !!!!!!!!! will sell their soul for the things that please their senses

they know how to draw well. they lololololove drawing comic book characters. like, they have their own characters already

dancing !!! especially contemporary ! bc ,,, i have a lot of those gifs n icons that i gotta use

loves apples ?

wants a cat. d e s p e r a t e l y

PERSONALITY:

i think it’s quite obvious that they’re a very anxious, shy & alert person 24/7 and i guess that you can see how their upbringing had a lot to do with it. i don’t view their shyness as cute and adorable, but they definitely aren’t grim either. they’re just closed-off. they’re not used to sharing personal stuff with other people, at least not face to face. online, everything’s different.

most of the time they’re like … “uhhhhh, people - i’d rather not. that can get me in a lot of awkward n uncomfortable situations n i’d rather avoid that’. they don’t find solitude depressing. they enjoy their alone time, they find comfort in it. they are very aware of the fact that their social skills suck & as i said a part of them doesn’t give a damn, but … another part is worried bc if they truly want to be in the makeup world, they will have to learn to be a people person, have a fantastic charisma n ,, talk to people ? lmao

their zodiac sign is pisces n they HATE IT lol they’re like “i’m not a whiny baby emo dreamer ew go away” so they keep telling people that their zodiac sign is aquarius bc it’s close enough n they find them cool n admire the description of the seemingly stoic sign that goes through life with their brain rather than their heart. they love to think that they’re strong n logical, that they’re not emotional … but that’s not the case. it’s all an act really

once you demolish their shell, you’ll find the most adorable creature in the whole entire universe ?/ they also love tellin stupid jokes. they almost never finish them bc they laugh too hard at em

they get attached to people VERY easily n then they can’t live without them n that freaks them the fuck out. like. they fall in love ten times a day. im. not. kiddin.

they’re all about living life to the fullest, they just have a bit different vision of what true livin is lmao

philosophical af ? hates small talk, always wants to talk abt deep shit

the type to send you memes and stuff that reminds them of you

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

this is so important. online friends. they met online a couple of years ago ( we’ll figure out how ) n now they’re both here and ? hyunnie is so scared to meet them bc they’re afraid that person won’t like them irl, but the desire is bigger than the fear !

similar to the previous one, but it was a long distance relationship ( it ended bc the distance was too much ig ). they only chatted, but they know everything about each other. they were infuriated every single day bc they couldn’t physically feel each other, but they still planned a future together, or at least meeting irl … maybe they now finally have a chance ?

crush. as i said, hyunnie falls quickly for a person. it can be unrequited. it’s just someone they daydream about n sigh over. or it can be the other way around, but hyunnie is quite clueless n doesn’t pick up on their hints.

friends ?? the plot depends on your charrie tbh but dw about it, i usually have 57430865026701348 ideas, so ya.

i have no idea what else ,,,, imma go make a wanted connections tag n reblog some plots probably. bUT HEY feel free to send plots my way, i luv that

[skeletorific]

What kind of uncle would the UT/UF/US/SF skelebros be to their brother's kid?

UT!Sans: He’s the chill uncle. The one who brings cringe-worthy gifts (shitty gag stuff he picked up in gas stations) and embarrasses you with those awful nicknames from when you were six, but who’s there for you. Great help on science projects, even if he’s constantly enforcing nap breaks in the middle of it. When Papyrus’ kid(s) is (are) younger, they always want him to babysit because he lets them watch TV all night and eat like garbage. He never pushes you to say what you’re thinking, but he’s pretty good t picking out when you’re in a low place. He doesn’t try to be your therapist, but he’ll check up on you, make sure you’re eating right. He doesn’t tell Papyrus if you don’t want him to and if he doesn’t think you’re in a dangerous enough place that he needs to be told. Your dad can be a little much when you’re shutting down. But he’s pretty used to keeping secrets from his brother. At least this is one he won’t feel as guilty about.

UT!Papyrus: The hype uncle. He is always really enthusiastic about whatever you’re doing, to an embarrassing extent. He shows up at your childhood soccer games wearing the team colors. Tests? His house is always open as a place of study! He’s constantly trying to get you interested in either puzzles or pasta, but honestly he’s about anything you’re into. Being babysat by him essentially means also being babysat by Undyne, and things tend to get wild. He will always make certain you are Hydrated. Always trying to make sure you avoid picking up your dad’s lazy habits. The Ultimate Pep Talk giver. He believes in you 110%, and he want you to too.

UF!Sans: He doesn’t totally know what to do with you before you get old enough that Papyrus stops shooting daggers at him for swearing in your presence. Red doesn’t deal well with little kids. You mostly remember him as a rough laugh after a joke that you don’t totally get but has your dad red-faced and yelling, a voice yelling at you to get off the fence if you don’t want a broken neck, a strong hand pulling you out of danger or ruffling your hair on his way out the door. You get closer once he starts feeling like he can talk to you more or less adult to adult. He’s a good person to go to when you just need to get away for a bit. He loves your dad as much as you do, but he gets that he can….be a bit much. If you ever get in trouble, he’ll give you a ten minute dressing down and likely cuss your ass out, but he won’t tell your parents unless you’re in real danger. Any s/o’s that hurt you have him to reckon with. He won’t ever tell you that he loves you, but he’ll show it constantly, and a “heh, proud of ya, kid” goes a loooong way with the two of you. 

UF!Papyrus: The involved Uncle. He is constantly in your business. He likely knows your class schedule better than you do.He doesn’t totally trust Sans  to be as updated as he should be about your activities, so he picks up the slack. Is constantly going to battle for you. Bullies? Unfair teachers? Bitchy exes? Things of the past. Let them try messing with 6 feet 7 inches (11 inches with his heels on) of skeletal bad temper. But don’t think you’re bullet proof from his scoldings. You are a constant recipient. Still, being his nibling gives you a little more leeway than a brother or a child. Sniffle a bit, and he’ll likely stop and mutter something about how you probably get the point now. He want you to live up to your potential, even if he can choose a dickish way of expressing it. His gifts are rare and holiday limited, but thoughtful.

US!Sans: When you were a kid he was your idol. He seemed like a superhero. Strong. Brave. Kind. Short enough that he seemed to understand you better than the other adults (although you learned not to mention this observation to him). He had your boundless enthusiasm, and more often than not he was more playmate than adult figure. Then you grew older. And you fell into the trap so many people did. You mistook his openness for naivety, his optimism for childishness. You began to feel like you had to protect him, not he you. It kept going, until you got hurt. You were scared, you didn’t know where to go. And its then that your hero returned, there as a shoulder to cry on.

Also he teaches you to cook and color-coordinate like a boss.

US!Papyrus: The Bad Influence ™. You learned from him how to talk your way out of basically anything and run from what you couldn’t. He gives you sweets whether or not you’re supposed to be eating them. He lets you stay up way past your bed time. Anytime he’s left in charge is a time when you can keep your room however the flip you want. And you can get literally anything out of him if you catch him smoking around the house and promise not to tell your dad. Spoils you senseless. He’s not the most responsible of guardians, but he helps you have fun and reminds you not to take life too seriously. He’s good at helping you talk out your insecurities. 

SF!Sans: He teaches you how to fight. If you’re not that physical a person he may be a bit of a nightmare for you but any training you express an interest in, he is there for. He’s oddly kind of affirming? I mean, its mostly also a back-handed compliment to himself but still. “BUT OF COURSE YOU’RE ACCOMPLISHED. YOU’RE MY NIBLING!” Any potential s/o’s have to go through his screening first, a daunting task that has chased off many an asshole. He abjectly refuses to let you take any of life’s shit lying down. 

SF!Papyrus: Quiet, but non-judgemental. You’re not sure what it is about him, but he can get you to spill your guts about anything while still somehow respecting your privacy. He helps you roll your first joint (waiting until you’re old enough). He’s always honest with you, even on the questions that make most other adults turn away and blush, or tell you you’re not old enough. Through processes none of them fully understand, all of your friends have his number on their phone, but its come in handy more than once when you need to be picked up and you’re in no fit state to pick up the phone. He keeps every present you’ve ever given him, including those awful painted mugs from when you were four years old. 

[dedicatedrambler-blog]

Rambunctious by me, published in the Hart House Review (2018)

Words:

Rambunctious Hadiyyah Kuma

My spelling bee medal is a paperweight for my calendar. You know how when you have a calendar near a window and when the window is open it blows up the pages so you can see the next month? I hate seeing the next month, it makes me think about what homework I will get and how much I will grow. My mom says I’m getting fat. February is my birthday, but report cards come out in February. So I put the medal there and Lilly comes over to teach me math and she’s like, “what’s the medal for?” She has blue eyes and they look darker when she’s in my room because the light sort of grabs them and then drops them like when you open and close a cabinet of metal dishes.

For a second I can’t remember but then she turns it over in her hands like it’s something delicate and even though it’s heavy and reads the little inscription. Even the font is like crap. It’s like a magazine for under-twelve-year olds. She reads it out loud in this proud way that sounds like love and I hate it.

“Bee Academy’s Spelling Bee. Third prize!”

She thinks it’s cute, I know she thinks it’s cute and adds to my character. Girls like her stay stuff like that because they read it in Teen Vogue I think. I tell her it was a long time ago. I tell her she doesn’t have to read it like that because it was only third place anyway. “I can’t even remember what the word was,” I say. She asks me how many other kids were in the spelling bee. I say I don’t know, I tell her it didn’t matter. She keeps pressing me, I don’t why she does that. Trying to suck all my feelings out, psychoanalysis or something. That’s not what she’s for, she’s here to teach me geometry.

So she keeps asking and then I say like, “maybe ten.” She keeps telling me that I should be proud of myself. It’s like when those people told me to make a list of all my accomplishments and look at it so that I would be more confident. My skills would come out in the list I guess they meant. I didn’t write it, besides, my mom thought that was stupid I could tell because she sucked her cheeks into her head.

Lilly, she dresses nice and she always has her hair up, not like mine. I’m a mess, she’s neat. She’s what my mom wanted for a daughter. Her hair is less frizzy than mine, so it’s easier to brush. My mom says to me, “be more lady like,” almost every day. I have to watch how I’m sitting on the couch. I have to brush my teeth without spitting too much. I can’t fart in front of my brother. I’ve never seen Lilly fart or spit but I know she has to because everyone in the world probably does. Except my mom doesn’t see everyone she just sees me and my brother.

Anyway, Lilly goes on a little more with that and then she says she’s thinking about what kind of kid I’d be in grade three. I say like maybe I would be exactly the same because it’ s only been four, five years anyway, but I know she doesn’t buy it. Sometimes she does this thing where she bites her nails until they’re stubs. I used to do that too, but I stopped so I beat her there. That’s not the only thing that’s not perfect about Lilly. She’s shorter than me, which is weird because I’m the shortest person in my grade. The night after I got a blood test, she comes over and tries to teach me about limits. I can’t think though, I keep looking out the window and feeling my chest with my thumb because it’s wound up, my chest. I heard it humming, a buzz inside of me like those big bugs that leave their skin all over the place. She asks me why I got a blood test and I explain that they wanted to see if the problem was in my head or my blood and she says “okay.” She doesn’t ask me anything else so I tell her how it was, getting blood sucked out of you through a thin plastic string. I wasn’t scared of the needle because my mom was there. When my mom is there I can get stabbed in the eye and still be smiling. Later Lilly says, “let’s just talk then, you seem distracted.”

So we talk and she asks me where my parents are from. I say my grandparents are from India because my mom told me not to answer that question if anyone asked, especially white people. She told me not to talk about my dad either, which is fine because I don’t want to. But Lilly picks up on things like that. I tell her about my dad and she holds my hand because she thinks it’s sad they’re divorced and my mom has that giant scar on her arm because he cut her there with a meat knife. It doesn’t hurt anymore. I feel good when she holds my hand but she doesn’t really know why she’s sad. She thinks she’s sad because she thinks I’m sad about it. I’m not sad about it. These things happen you know. I’m happy because it’s not happening anymore. I’m happy it did happen because it made my knuckles stronger. It makes me think people like Lilly are sometimes stupid. They get angry and sad and their eyebrows bunch up because they think that’s what I want. I don’t want anybody feeling like that for me. I decide I won’t tell her anymore stuff like that.

Lilly’s birthday is on a Tuesday so I buy her cupcake on the way home from our school. She comes around seven, a little later than usual because she was with her friends, Janey and Iara. I don’t like them too much because Janey doesn’t say hi to me when I say it to her on the street. Iara is okay, Iara asks me how I am, but she does it in the kind of way that makes me feel shorter than Lilly even though I’m taller than her. I ask the baker to put a one and a five in there because Lilly is fifteen, but she says the cupcake is too small for two candles but if I wanted to write her name on it it’d be an extra five dollars. I pay the five dollars because I like the shape of the ‘y’ at the end of her name.

Lilly likes the cupcake and gives me sort of a pat on the cheek which makes my body really hot and I have to swallow. I’m lucky I’m not a boy. You should see my brother at the beach, one time he ripped his swim trunks because he was looking at a girl with big boobs or whatever guys like. It makes me laugh when I think about it, but he was so embarrassed he actually cried in the bus home. My mom yelled at him for it, so I punched him on the shoulder to make him stop crying.

I watch Lilly eat the cupcake and crumbs fall out of her mouth and onto her lap in my bedroom. She’s wearing tight black jeans. I reach over like slow and brush the crumbs off her jeans slowly and she looks at me for a long time and then says she has to go. The next day Lilly calls over the phone and tells me that she’s been accepted to Peaman’s Prep in Victoria for her “studies” next year and that she has leave in two weeks because her family is moving to BC. The way she says it makes it sound like she’s being forced against her will, but I don’t think so because she sounded happy near the end. She sounded relieved. I know it’s probably a white people school so I search it up on Google and find a bunch of pictures of blonde girls in green checkered skirts and sweater vests. I wouldn’t wear a skirt if you paid me a gazillion bucks, but these people’s eyes are wide and their teeth are white so I guess they’re happy. She doesn’t come and see me before she leaves. I just know when she leaves because Janey and Iara really don’t talk to me anymore. They just look at each other and put their hands in their pockets. My mom says while I’m eating a chicken leg for dinner that my brother will tutor me now because she’s paying him five bucks a week. My brother changes the dial on the TV and rolls his eyes up into his shiny forehead when she says that.

The doctor’s secretary lady Angela calls my mom the same day Lilly leaves because they want to talk about the blood test results. We have to make an appointment for the next week. It’s going to rain three days next week so my mom chooses the day that it’s not going to rain. But I don’t care about any of that I’m not even thinking about that now.

I sit on my bed staring at the spelling bee medal from four years ago. Third prize. I don’t think I’m going to be first in anything for a long time, I just feel like that. I got a B+ on my last math test but that was four days ago. And a B is not first, it’s second. I remember the word now, “r-a-m-b-u-c-t-i-o-u-s.” Rambunctious. People always forget the ‘n.’ It makes me feel smart that I remember. I remember what it means too, “noisy and lacking in restraint or discipline,” I say it out loud so I can remember. My chest sort of unwinds. It’s quiet now, it’s not buzzing. The bugs are called cicadas and they are quiet now.

I call Lilly on the phone and ask her what rambunctious means. It’s quiet for a long time and then she says, “I don’t know.” She says it in a sort of sealed off voice, not like the one she uses when she talked to me about math. I don’t tell her what it means because she can look it up herself.

When I hang up I take the medal down. I push my shirt up and lie down with the medal on my stomach. It’s nice and cool and reminds me of Lilly’s fingers when she held my hand. Not Peaman Prep Lilly, the Lilly that thought third place was something special. Later, I take out my notebook and down write down names and words that I like. Rambunctious is the first, then my own name, then Lilly’s because I still like the ‘y.’ I’m going to write a story.

[americasferrera]

1-100???

danggggg okay !!

1. Name? Leeanne!!

2. Age? almost 15 yaaaa

3. City that you live in? not city but i live in texas

4. What do most people not know about you? i’m emo af lol

5. What do most people know you for? idk im boring ):

6. Hobbies? singing, acting, and writing !!

7. What are your passions? same as above

8. What do you search for in a significant other? i mean i havent been with u kno,,, a significant amount of ppl so im not sure. but someone who cares about me and wants me to be happy but also knows when to tell me if i need to tone it down.

7. What are you most proud of? my growth as a person !

8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love? today.

9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it? i collected rocks when i was younger 

10. List 10 things off of your bucket list. 1. meet at least one of my favorite celebrities. 2. write a full book. 3. go to a pride event. 4. perform an original song. 5. direct a feature. 6. attend a broadway show. 7. dye my full head of hair. 8. come out. 9. travel the world. 10. learn yoga.

11. What was the last thing you learned? lips are soft and super nice especially when they are pressed against your own lips

12. How many relationships have you been in? 2.

13. Turn ons? im not gonna do like sexual ones bc im fuckin 9 but i find girls with dark hair and tatoos and theyre like tough but super sweet too attractive

14. Turn offs? people who are just over the top obnoxious and rude

15. Favorite food cheese omg

16. Favorite drink literally water

17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received? idk ):

18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic? internally pessimistic, externally optimistic

19. Do you sleep during class? no!!!

20. What is the most expensive thing you own? myself, i cost so much to maintain smh

21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own? uhh 

22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone? too many im a slut for attention

23. Text or call? depends on who it is ! 

24. Opinion on long distance? do whatever makes you happy.

25. What is your definition of success? being happy.

26. Favorite song? feeling good by nina simone.

27. Favorite artist? red hot chili peppers.

28. Celebrity crush/crushes? katie stevens, laura prepon, elise bauman

29. When was the last time you read for fun? today

30. Favorite flower? tiger lily!!!

31. What is the best gift you could receive right now? idk

32. Any guilty pleasures? fuckingfd twilight kmskskmskms

33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself? to be more physically attractive and healthy also mentally too 

34. What do you search for in a friend? memes.

35. How many times have you said “I love you” in the past month? a lot, i say it a lot.

36. Where did you last go other than your room/home? school ew

37. Why do bad things happen to good people? if only good things happened to good people then they wouldn’t be good anymore.

38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye? both fuckin hurt man.

39. How many green shirts do you own? 0 lmao

40. Do you like anime? only sailor moon (and corey in the house obvi)

41. What do you invest the most time in? school u g h

42. What was the name of the last book you read? milk and honey

43. What’s the difference between loving and liking someone? liking someone is enjoying their company. love is a want, a need, an ache. this goes for platonic and romantic.

44. Where are you most productive? when i’m inspired

45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends. idk watching movies, hanging out, and just being memes.

46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone. lots of things lol, but watching tv, reading, and singing.

47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist? i hope

48. Do you have any allergies? im not allergic to anything

49. When was the last time you cussed at someone? at someone? idk

50. What was the last promise you made? to be there.

51. What was your last dream about? idk it was wild i cant explain

52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be? my best friends and my mom

53. How many countries have you visited? t h i s  o n e 

54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.) music for sure!!! but i do love them all tbh (:

56. When was the last time somebody complimented you? earlier today

56. If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself? i mean. ive looked ina fucking mirror.

57. Do you consider yourself mature? idk

58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr? ew probably a lot

59. What is your favorite quote? one i read today in milk and honey was “an alcoholic parent does not exist, simply an alcoholic who could not stay sober long enough to raise their kids” and it hit too close to home lmaooo

60. If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be? i wouldnt.

61. What is your greatest accomplishment? i was once ranked first out of like 100 girls for choir so that was cool!!!

62. Do you believe in the death penalty? i have mixed feelings on it.

63. What are your goals for life? to be truly happy with who i am.

64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now? idk man

65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world. hogwarts!! or in the tardis with the doctor idk. in the real world probably new york city !

66. What were you like in 2013? oh my lord i was like obsessed with unicorns god bless my soul

67. Do you have a job? nooooo just school smh

68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend. okay not my childhood best friend but her sister. we would play “boyfriend/girlfriend” and i’d pretend to be the boyfriend and “drive” her places and kiss her on the cheek like what kina gay ass shit…

If you could change one thing about society,what would it be? one?? idk if i could pick just one

How many all-nighters have you pulled before? a lot probs 

71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website? tumblr or youtube idk

72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars? the real question is what w o u l d n t i do

73. Does money equal happiness? no but money can make u happy

74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime? idk im happy a lot so probably a lot!!!

75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime? a lot too lmao

76. What is the funniest joke you have ever been told? my life

77. When was the last time you looked at the news? today

78. If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say? hi

79. What is your favorite animal? c a t s

80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it? wtf yes actually idk would my family know i was pretending

81. What is one thing that everyone is bad at? idk everone is different but mostly like public speaking

82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get? like 9:30-10:30 n like 8-9 hours 

83. Does age necessarily equal maturity? no

84. What is your favorite clothing store? maurice’s

85. In the winter- beanies or gloves? gloves

86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail? wings

87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it? idk

88. What do you fear the most? failure, sponsored by mental illness^tm

89. How many digits of pi can you recite? only like 10 smh how sad ):

90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be? probably my 8th grade year

91. Describe yourself in one word. anxious

92. Describe your last victory. fun and scary but also awesome

93. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen? AHHH

94. What is something you will never forget? her

95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail? second one i guess.

96. Have you ever broken a bone before? surprisingly, no

97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody? hate imo

98. Coffee or tea? tea obvi

99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way? music, cats, writing

100. How many hours have you spend on tumblr today? i spent like fuckin 2 just trying to write this thing smh

this thing took me 5evr somebody better have actually read it i s2g

[dickcrushed420]

It’s time for me to get something off my chest...

I am a kid of cancer. I haven’t been able to accept this for the last four years but it’s time I finally do. My dad was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer (really bad news) in the winter of 2013, when I was a fresh faced, chubby, twelve year old. Of course it was obvious at first that he was sick. He lost a dramatic amount of weight, went through many intense surgeries, and was in and out of the hospital frequently. This went on for months and, as I assume many kids in the same situation do, I adapted. In fact, the diagnosis was a blessing after a while. That first summer he was sick was one of the best summers of my young life. My dad had just undergone more surgeries and was on bed (reclining chair) rest for either weeks or months (I didn’t pay much attention to the medical situation then and I don’t want to bother my mom for information right now) but the amount of time didn’t matter. I’ll be the first to admit I was a tough twelve year old to love and I had been going through my “I’m to big to be daddy’s little princess” phase for far too long but luckily that summer was also during my tween girl drama phase leaving me stranded at home all summer. Dad and I watched the entirety of West Wing and became the ultimate partners in crime. After that summer, I truly began to deny and ignore my dad’s diagnosis. I was too busy hating school, hating my friends, and of course hating myself. Middle school is hell and having a sick parent is worse. It was easier to pretend that scheduling around chemo and doctor appointments was just a normal thing to do. And believing it was easier actually made it easier cause guess what! No one cares that your parent is sick. “Everyone has problems.” No one knows about how your dad was too tired to take you too the movies like he promised or how he cries more now during dumb TV shows or how there is suddenly two medicine cabinets in the bathroom. So middle school, while influenced by cancer, was mostly spent ignoring it. I thought maybe I was lucky and I could even continue to ignore it through high school! But when have I ever been lucky? So high school is always busy and bustling especially when you make your first real friends, have a minor role in the school musical, basically run your grade’s student council, and of course have to be on honor roll to make dad proud. Yeah, I should probably mention how my anxiety kept getting worse through this whole time and slowly became focused on doing anything to make my dad happy, even though he was proud of me no matter what. 

Well, I actually made it through the beginning of freshman year pretty smoothly, but then my dad started either a new chemo or radiation. Its blurry but the defining characteristic of this treatment was the hair loss. See my dad hadn’t lost any of his hair during any of his previous treatments (the most noticeable symptoms thus far had been weight fluctuations and fatigue) and my dad has a signature beard that was the first to go. My mom kept joking about how she married him with a beard and never saw him without one– that if he was ugly without a beard it would be grounds for divorce! And we all laughed but then he shaved his, then patchy, beard and he didn’t look ugly, he looked ten years older. His hair went one night in a restaurant, literally! It just started coming out in clumps and my mom went home and took out a razor and buzzed the rest off. He looked so sick then and it was so very painful to see. There is a picture of the two of us standing in front of my science fair project that year and whenever I stumble across it in my camera roll it takes every once of strength I have not to burst in to uncontrollable sobs. Not just because he look so different and sick but because I remember one night me and my mother crying and cursing the universe together in the car. She grabbed my hand and told me that we wouldn’t remember my dad that way, we’d remember the fat Irish guy with a beard (that probably had crumbs in it) and a magic trick in his pocket. The man ready to help with my math homework right when he came in the door. The man who could pick me up and carry me up the stairs and cuddle all night. The man who sings every song he knows loudly and off key and often. And I remember thinking “but this is the guy I’m gonna remember.” I hadn’t expected my dad’s hair loss to hurt me so much because he always had short hair but in reality it was just throwing the painful situation in my face. The rest of the year was difficult to say the least.

That summer, the summer before my sophomore year must have been the calm before the storm and in a sense I think we all knew that. We knew that stage four colon cancer wouldn’t go into remission and it wouldn’t respond to treatment much longer. But my parents, my idiotic 20 year old brother, and I remained as blissfully ignorant as possible. My dad and I played cribbage together and talked and made fun of my mom and dear god it was beautiful. I remember one amazing day where my dad and I were listening to music out in this lovely little tent we put up, to prevent his chemical filled skin and my pasty skin from getting burned, and my mom and brother came out and my dog ran around. It was beautiful. My parents played cards and I talked about which college I wanted to attend at that moment. 

College. That was another hard pill to swallow. My brother had already gotten the whole parents take you to visit colleges and then you bond and pick one and plan a future. I desperately wanted to ensure that so the summer before sophomore year was full of college trips and visits and planning. It felt rushed and not enough but then the school year started and I was drowned in AP work and honors classes. 

I am currently in my sophomore year and here is the reason I am writing this. Just recently my dad had a doctor’s appointment where they said it was the end of the line. That he fought the good fight but there is nothing left to be done. That had been the day that I had a big fight with mom and a really cool school field trip. My friend drove me home cause my parents were caught in traffic. I painted my nails and did my homework. My mom texted me to come downstairs and I prepared myself for an apology or an angry yell. Instead my mom said that they were down with treatment and then started saying things like “keep dad comfortable” and “hospice.” I went into shock and burst into tears. I immediately hugged my dad. For the first time in years I curled up in my dad’s lap but reality came crashing in so quickly because I was too big and it was too awkward to position. All that time wasted as a child playing with dolls or hiding when I could have been sitting on my daddy’s lap memorizing his scent, his hands, his arms, and not wasting a moment that I had with him. Since finding this out a month ago, my dad has been so very tired. We no longer go out to dinner or gallivant on weekends. We sit and watch TV. He seems to only eat grilled cheeses.  Its surprisingly hard to coupe with the impending demise of someone who has had a terminal illness for four years. ¼ of my life. My teachers treated me like a broken egg for a week and promptly forgot. My peers are blissfully ignorant of my ungodly grief and have behaved in such a way. One of my fellow students even said “Oh wow, well I guess its good I met him when I ran into you that one time.” Haha God that is terrible (especially since my dad had met most of my peers through volunteer work for the school through my years in elementary school), but these kids don’t know. A sixteen year old shouldn’t understand what it’s like to have a parent slowly wither away in front of you. They should be able to be mad at their parents and sleep the night. They should be able to go out and have fun with their friends. Kids shouldn’t have to worry about the mental health of their other parent. Or finances. Or the possibility of carrying the gene for that type of cancer. I shouldn’t go to my room each night feeling guilty that I can’t sit with my dad watching TV for a few hours longer because I need to do my homework. I should be excited about school dances and potential significant others and new movies, but instead I’m scared shitless for what is ahead of me. I want to see New York, Broadway, with my daddy. I want my daddy to be at my high school graduation. I want him to see me off to college. See me graduate and get my first job. I want my future s/o to have to go to him and ask for permission to marry me. Dear God do I want my daddy to walk me down the isle. I want him to meet his grandkids cause my dad would be the best grandfather in all of history. I want my dad there for all the things he should be there for, I want him to take care of me forever.

 But I’m a kid of a very strong cancer patient and I’m gonna survive this for him.